Here at TUAW, we feel that it's our duty to bring you important, fast-breaking Apple news. That paragon of excellence in journalistic integrity, the Weekly World News, reported today that Macworld Expo 2009 is threatened by a death ray application for the iPhone. The app (we are unsure at press time whether or not it's available in the App Store) was created by Dr. Michael Heinous of Colorado State University. Dr. Heinous has also apparently moved CSU, normally found in Fort Collins, CO, to Boulder, home of the University of Colorado.

Steve Jobs is reported to have taken time out from constructing an android body that will allow his consciousness to live forever to condemn the rogue app. He's quoted as saying "Apple does not approve of this application. Death ray technology and open source software are dangerous when released to the general public and are not in keeping with our corporate policy."

The report was later updated to note that "Specialized Apple gear, like an iPod equipped gas mask or the iLive full body armor with wifi, is will be available at the convention. Apple's executives will attend the convention via telecom from the iFallout Shelter."

Stay tuned to TUAW for more breaking news about this important, and obviously true, story.

[via Weekly World News]

Even though Steve Jobs has opted out of giving the keynote at this year's Macworld Expo in San Francisco, and Apple will not be attending another Macworld after this one, there will still be a keynote presentation -- it will just be given by Phil Schiller instead. Of course, since the keynote must go on, even without Mr. Jobs, there will also be speculation and predictions as to what Apple will announce during the keynote.

We at TUAW are not immune to this phenomenon and even though we will be liveblogging the keynote to provide you with the news as soon as it's actually announced, that won't stop us from engaging in a favorite pastime of the tech press: Macworld Expo keynote predictions. Of course, when considering this event and the impending announcements, especially in light of this being the last time Apple will take part, these questions, and many others, come to mind.

Will Phil be as entertaining as Steve? How long will Phil talk about the success of iTunes and the iPod before moving on to the other more exciting announcements? Who will be the musical guest? Will Phil be wearing a black turtleneck and jeans or will he try to start a new fashion trend of his own? Will Phil and Apple do anything "special" to commemorate the last keynote? What will be the "one more thing"? And, most importantly, will Phil talk about where Steve Jobs is and why he isn't doing the keynote?

Your intrepid TUAW writers have considered those very questions, and many more, through long days and nights of deliberation, discussion and discourse. In so doing, we have come up with some interesting, perhaps even controversial, prognostications, pre-visualizations and predictions of what new products and services will be announced at this this year's keynote. Read on for all our (at least partly serious) expectations.

For full Macworld Expo coverage, bookmark the TUAW Macworld Expo 2009 landing page.

Roald Bradstock is a champion javelin thrower, but lately he's been throwing more than that, including an egg, a golf ball, and a soccer ball. You know when people start breaking random things in creative ways, an Apple product will show up. Sure enough, in the video above (turn the sound down, the wind noise is horrendous), Roald tosses an iPod a football field and a half.

There's no reason why he should do this, but it looks like Apple expected this might happen some day -- despite a mess of mud and grass, the iPod is apparently no worse for the wear. You might say it's silly, you might say it's not impressive, but then again: could you do it?

And if you do, could you post it on YouTube, too?

[via Macenstein]

With the end of the year comes the cavalcade of best and worst lists, just in case you didn't know what was best and what was worst over the course of the year.

Apple made glassdoor.com's list of "50 Best Places to Work," placing 19th. It scored a 3.8 out of five, and 90 percent of employees approved of the job that CEO Steve Jobs was doing. 303 employees completed reviews at the site, contributing to its score. (The reviews themselves are interesting to read, incidentally, if you have a few minutes to kill.)

On the other hand, Apple made Fortune magazine's list of 21 Dumbest Moments in Business for the year, twice -- but the second time really wasn't its fault.

The first head-smacker, at number six, was for the approval (and subsequent removal) of the "I Am Rich" iPhone application. "The real losers?" Fortune asks: "The eight suckers who bought it."

The second blooper, number 19, actually goes to CNN and Bloomberg for two false stories about Steve Jobs' health. Bloomberg accidentally released an obituary on August 28, and retracted it the same day. In a similar gaffe, a post on CNN's iReport site falsely claimed that Jobs had suffered a heart attack. CNN took down the post -- but not after Apple's stock dipped 10 percent in 10 minutes. Ouch.

[Via Macsimum News and MacNN.]

iPhone developers Chilli X are looking for a little help with the App Store promo materials for their new ToDo list app, Done. First, though, a little bit about Done.

You're probably thinking, "there are too many task lists available for the iPhone, and they all do the same thing." You'll get no argument from me there. For me, it's a matter of how well they do it, and Done has the potential to be very fluid to use, taking a little more advantage of the iPhone platform as a user interface. Not having tried it yet, I'm judging by the features listed on the promo page: multiple lists, priorities, colors, shake to sort, as well some more novel innovations. It looks simple ... maybe too simple for some, but potentially ideal for those who shudder at the mention of GTD (sorry, did I say that too loudly?).

One novel feature which I don't believe exists in other task managers, yet, is a snapshot capability which will replace your iPhone/iPod touch wallpaper with an image showing your top 6 tasks. The app was recently submitted to the App Store, and is awaiting approval. That's where you -- with your highly-developed sense of humor and savage wit -- come into play.

Chilli X would like to have clever task lists in the promo shots for the app. They are -- by their own admission -- developers and not comedians. You can see their prior attempts at their website, but -- and I say this with love -- they're not great. If you think you have the comedic chops to write a truly fun, interesting and humorous list, leave a submission here in the comments. Chilli X will be watching and picking their favorite entries, the authors of which will receive free copies of Done, in addition to the glory of having their carefully-crafted task sequences displayed in the screenshots of the app in the App Store.

I've heard rumors indicating that App Store glory is often accompanied by prolonged health benefits and above average success with dating prospects, but your results may vary (the TUAW legal department kindly asks me to inform you that TUAW makes no such promises, and takes no responsibility for this post).

Chilli X does offer one stipulation: "keep them clean(ish) and don't say nasty things about anybody." Easy enough.

Hello and welcome once again to The Obvious News. Our top story today: the sky remains blue, and we'll have a full report by our man on the scene Chip Thompson about that later. But first, this: apparently App Store downloads are up thanks to large holiday sales of the iPhone and iPod touch. This comes as a shock to absolutely no one, but reports are coming in from developers, publishers, and browser reports and search terms alike that App Store downloads and interest have jumped up three and four times over, thanks, it seems, to more people receiving iPhones and iPod touches for Christmas and the other winter holidays.

John Sargent of The Obvious Institute tells us why: "Well, iPod touches are pretty boring without apps, you know? And I guess people probably want to try out apps on their new iPod touches." Thank you, John -- painfully obvious. Our technology analyst Ms. Common Sense also tells us that any time Apple sees a bump in sales of their devices, the App Store will have its own sales bump soon after.

In other Obvious News, having too many meetings can apparently make you grumpy. We'll be back after these messages. Obviously.

Apparently I'm not the only person who loves to watch the Blendtec "Will It Blend?" videos on YouTube. The company reports that the video series has had over 100 million views so far, making it one of the more successful viral marketing campaigns.

Now you can see the top 20 "Will It Blend?" episodes in all their high quality color glory, thanks to a new app of that name. Treat yourself and friends to the thrill of Tom Dickson (right) feeding an iPhone 3G into a Blendtec blender in higher quality than you've ever seen it before.

Other favorites -- iPod, glow sticks, and Chuck Norris, to name a few -- are included as well. What's great is that you don't need a 3G or Wi-Fi connection to download these wonderful videos, as they're built into the app.

The US$1.99 app (click opens iTunes) will soon feature the ability to blend anything in your iPhoto Library. It currently updates with new videos on a regular basis, and features links to all other episodes in the classic series. The developer, iAppsNow, is offering the app on sale for only US$0.99 through the end of the year.

What would you blend if you were Tom Dickson? Let us know!

We're late to the party on this one, but it absolutely still deserves attention. Created by Nick Greenlee as a short visual effects piece, this video depicts what would happen if Apple and Windows laptops were sentient Transformer robots who wanted to destroy each other.

This could be a whole new spin on the "I'm A Mac" tv ads. What would John Hodgman transform into? I imagine a slide rule functioning as his prime weapon. As for Justin Long ... he'd overwhelm enemies with The Smugness.

Nice work, Nick. It's a great video.

[Via TechEBlog]

Dell executive Bob Pearson decided to comment on Apple's "green" ad campaign. It was hard to understand. We were confused. Fortunately, Robert was nice enough to translate. The original post, on Dell's site, is here.

"Several Dell folks were surprised and perplexed to see Apple's new 'green' MacBook ad since its release last month and we've been watching the discussions in the blogosphere. After chatting with our environmental teams about the topic, we realized that instead of ignoring it, we should have a conversation about the real meaning of being green from the viewpoint of a Fortune 500 company."

In a desperate attempt to dredge up this environment issue from October, I bought lunch for a few of my subordinates, ordered them to be in the "Sunset Plains" conference room at noon, and told them we would be discussing this.

"Our view is that companies who choose to lead have an obligation to be open and transparent. We have a responsibility to engage in dialogue about the environment, whether we agree or disagree with an individual person or group. It all contributes to the greater good."

We like to sit around and shoot the breeze about stuff. When there isn't enough breeze-shooting, we shoot it ourselves, con-sarn it.

"What is not good is to skip steps, avoid dialogue and pray that people aren't smart enough to figure it out. That doesn't help any of us and it certainly doesn't further the environmental cause for those of us who care deeply about it."

Honestly, talking is the only thing we do well.

I kind of like the idea behind snOwned, a new wintry app on the App Store that claims to be a "multiuser, online snowball fight." I think there is some great multiplayer gaming to be had with the iPhone, and, if enough people are interested, there might be some in snOwned.

You download the app from the App Store (it's 99 cents, which is cheap but maybe not cheap enough for what it is), and then sign your email up along with a username. Once you've activated, you can then "throw snowballs" (which consists of three little fun minigame steps) at anyone else with the app installed on their iPhone or iPod touch around the world. And they can throw them back at you, you can play a short game to defend, stats are kept on the site, and so on. As with most social games, it all depends on who's in the game with you -- if you've got friends along to keep up rivalries with, it could be fun. But just throwing random snowballs at random people around the globe, as I did (my ingame name is "toucansamurai") isn't really worth the dollar's admission.

Still, it's a start -- the game can also track your location when you throw, so you can see where your snowballs are going on the globe, and who's throwing at you. I think there will eventually be a runaway game of this kind, where we're all playing with each other socially on our own phones in different places all over the world (Loot Wars is another game that's interesting in this vein, even if it's not quite there yet). And snOwned is another step closer to that. But as any MMO company will tell you, the only way to make a social game great is to have everyone playing it, and I'm not sure there's enough going on in this one to pull in a lot of really interested players.

To say that MobileMe hasn't made everyone happy may be a bit of an understatement. We don't generally hear from the satisfied customers, but we have received a fair amount of email from dissatisfied users of Apple's "cloud computing" solution. Given the barrage of negativity, it's nice to hear a positive take now and then. TUAW reader Rob had just the thing ...

While at the dry cleaner one day, Rob's iPhone was stolen. He immediately chalked it up as gone forever, and proceeded to purchase a brand new one that same evening. It was the next day when unfamiliar contacts began to appear on the new phone. The (not-too-bright) thief was unwittingly supplying him with names and phone numbers of his or her closest friends, via the magic of MobileMe synchronization from the stolen phone to the cloud and eventually to his new phone. "It didn't take long for me to realize that MobileMe was leading me right to the thief!" wrote Rob.

Thanks to the fact that he caught on to it before he'd had time to remotely disconnect his account, MobileMe provided the groundwork for a little social engineering. Rob made quick work of wrangling a name and phone number from the provided contacts, supplying the police with everything they needed to get Rob his phone back. By the end of the night, he had his original iPhone in his possession.

There you have it, a MobileMe success story! Sure, this doesn't make up for the problems which have plagued MobileMe, but it's a great story. The recovered phone is "pretty much brand new," according to Rob, and is currently up for auction on ebay.

Thanks for sending this in, Rob!

In a stunning revelation, in addition to Steve Jobs declining to give the keynote speech and announcing Apple will pull out of Macworld after this year, a joint statement released by Apple and Santa Claus states that Christmas will end after this year.

"Apple has been steadily scaling back on holidays in recent years, including Valentine's Day, Columbus Day, President's Day and Grandparents Day in Japan," the press release states.

The joint press conference was sponsored by an unknown lover of parody and a good bit of tongue-in-cheek humor.

And, don't worry. We can always import the Japanese Health and Sports holiday (second Monday in October) and use it to fill the gift-wrapped Apple-shaped holes in our hearts.

Many thanks goes to the unknown site creator for creating a smile in the middle of a lot of confusion!

And also thanks to @frijole on Twitter for the tip!

From applications to new friends, finding the right gift for the Twitter addict isn't as easy as it sounds. They're just so busy with all that "tweeting" nonsense. Here are plenty of ideas at a variety of price points that should make your job as the gift-giver a little more pleasant.

How do you know if you've got one on your list? Just answer a few simple questions. Does s/he

• Check Twitter immediately before going to bed? Possibly while in bed? From multiple devices?
  
• Have a stagnant blog, but a bulging Twitter stream?
• Stare at the display for hours at a time so as not to miss a landmark follower or tweet (like #500)?
• Added his or her Twitter handle to business cards, web sites, etc?

If so, you've got yourself an addict, my friend. Here's how you can be their #1 enabler.

Apps

This one goes without saying. No self-respecting Twitter addict is going to want to load twitter.com every time the blue-winged muse strikes. There are several options. Twitterrific and TweetDeck are nice for the desktop, while Tweetsville , Twinkle and mobile Twitterrific are great for the iPhone and iPod touch.

• Twitterrific (Desktop) - Free ad-supported version, $14.95US premium version
• Twitterrific (iPhone/iPod touch) - Free ad-supported version, $9.95US premium version
• TweetDeck - Free
• Tweetsville - $3.99US
  
• Twinkle - Free
  

Additionally, TwitterFox is a (free) Firefox plug-in that lets you send and receive messages from within Firefox.

Update: Several of you suggested I consider Tweetie ($2.99US) as a Twitter client for the iPhone and iPod touch, which I did. It's very snappy indeed with lots of nice features, like trend monitoring, support for several accounts and more. It's really quite nice. Of course, this isn't a reivew of Twitter clients, but I'm still happy to add another to the list.

Reference

The Dictionary of Concise Writing will help you shorten those lengthy sentences. While you're at it, grab a copy of Webster's New World Thesaurus.

• Dictionary of Concise Writing - $14.95US at Amazon
• Webster's New World Thesaurus - $14.95US at Amazon

Read on for more!

Remember the remote-controlled dog treat dispenser from a few weeks ago? Now Pete Raumann has come up with Pete's FishCam, which comes complete with an iPhone interface so that he can remotely watch his fish swimming around in a nicely appointed aquarium.

It's more than just a webcam, though -- Pete can also turn the lights on and off (both tank and accent spotlights), pan the camera left and right, and open and close the "treasure chest" in the tank. Pete used the same equipment and web-based applet generator from ioBridge that was used to create the dog treat dispenser.

Note to Pete: your next assignments are to build an aquarium-cleaning robot and fish feeder that you can control from the iPhone. The video below shows how the interface works on the iPhone, complete with narration by Mr. Raumann.

What are your ideas for something you'd like to be able to watch and/or control from your iPhone? Put it in a comment, and please remember to keep it clean!